What is an addiction

I guess the first thing that I should write about is to tell you what having a sexual addiction means. In some ways this is a very hard thing to explain as most people don't understand this specific addiction, it makes them uncomfortable or they think that sex addicts are all child molesters.

The reality of sex addiction centers on behaviors related to lust and "acting out" in some way or ways very compulsively. This can be very 'innocent' such as being triggered to masturbate by the lingerie ads in the newspaper or more dangerous behaviors like trolling the streets for anonymous sexual encounters.

Their is a search for ever increasing highs, searching for the connection that will make you whole, the ultimate high. However, nothing fits the bill and the addict begins to deal with stress with fantasy and masturbation.

Becoming a disconnected love cripple is the next step on the journey. No longer are things sexual part of intimacy but they are merely a way to take from others. Intimacy becomes a long forgotten thing and lust is a way of living. Many times it is a double life that is hidden from those that appear to be close to us.

One thing that many people in twelve step programs will be familiar with is cross-addiction. The alcoholic can begin to turn to drugs or food for release as an outlet in place of or with their addiction to drugs or alcohol. In my journey to recovery with sex addiction I have found a pattern of sober alcoholics with periods of recovery that end up having to come back and work the twelve steps again as they find out that a more root addiction for them is sexaholism.

I think that part of this has to do with people being sexaholics, not realizing it, not finding meaning in their relatonships and then hitting the bars, drinking to spice things up on a night out and using alcohol to deal with the disconnect they feel from their spouse.

Sexaholics are all around us in this culture. Most people don't realize they are one. They are not just the perverts that molest children. They are people who have affairs, watch pornography, go to strip clubs, flirt inappropriately at work, stare at people at the swimming pool, or just fantasize in their mind and wish for some type of sexual connection that will make them whole.


If you have ever wondered if you might be a sex addict or don't know feel at peace with your sexuality, considering answering these questions for yourself.


Under the Mercy.