Habits and Reaction

My entire life I have been someone who reacts to the situations that are put in front of me. At times it was striking back at a bully, getting mad, chickening out or even being swayed into doing something. This has helped me in dealing with crisis situations but I think that due to patterns I have learned, it has fed my addiction. Things have to be a certain way for me and when they aren’t I react to make them the way I feel that they should be. This can and often opens the door for resentment. It also makes it very easy respond to sexual input without thinking especially when my triggers are in play. When I have stress and resentment sexual release is something that is very calming.

Well, it is calming for a time, then there is resentment and guilt and the cycle can repeat itself as I am more on edge as I try to stuff down the guilt and move on. Again, reacting to the situation and not dealing with. All of my life is based on reactions. In Church the other day the homily was about developing habits and patterns to help get us to heaven. Right now I am someone who reacts, goes quickly and fast paced through life. From now on, I need to slow down and think about things, not reacting but being much more methodical in the way I approach things, especially things that make me want to react. Instead of letting my stresses jump up through my reacting and trying to control.

Under the Mercy,
MS

God grant me the serenity. . . .