Dawn Eden hits the Nail on the Head

The linked article written by Dawn Eden hits the nail on the head. How many people do I know that work to find fullfilment in sexuality and are always chasing something better and never happy.

Under the Mercy





dawn eden, lust, sex culture,

Journal 20071017

Sexual Emotions.

These are not emotions in the truest sense of the word emotion but are desires that can be triggers. In some way they are things that are out of control that sex addicts try to meet or find in lusting.

One of the hardest things about being a sex addict is that the ultimate expression of my addiction is something that is built into every human being. We are made as sexual creatures. Sex itself isn't the problem but misplaced driving forces behind it are the problem.

If I were an alcoholic I would be addicted to alcohol but the consumption of alcohol isn't coded into the very fact of humanity. Sexuality is coded into my very being. It is a strong power that God has given to us so that we can share our very being. It is so strong that it is designed to bring out new life in this world.

The "sexual emotions" are things that I mistake for true intimacy. Sexual intercourse, the marriage act, should be a fruit of intimacy (caring/giving/loving) my wife but I feel that at times my yearning is from these "sexual emotions". Maybe it would be better to call them sexualised desires, for that is what they really are. Emotionally, I have a need to be accepted, loved and wanted and that is a hard thing for me to deal with right now when my wife is sexually unavailable to me by her choice. I have assented to that choice intellectually but I also know that I desire her.

Earlier, I posted about my fear of having lust removed from my being. I wonder in some ways if what I was and still am holding onto is in some ways me wanting to retain my lust in a small way. I want my wife to desire to be with me, I want to feel accepted and loved by her. I wonder if that is in some ways lust. I already know the answer to that question. It is just another form of lust.

I am not saying that it is bad to be comforted by being accepted or to feel loved. What I am saying is that I have to surrender that feeling, that need so that it doesn't drive me. Otherwise, I will just end up lusting after the next fix.

My wife tld me the other night to stop pressuring her for sex. I didn't think I was doing that but now I see that I was. I wasn't telling her that I was struggling or needed her to keep from acting out but I asked her to make love with me. I was trying to have my desire to be loved, wanted or accepted fed.

I hate being abstinate with my wife when it is a choice and not for a "good reason" but I know that it is a good thing for me. It has given me a chance to dig deeper than I ever have before, it is boiling to the surface all the different ways that I have acted and the 'modes' of my addiction. I now know, by trusting in God, that I will not lose desire for my wife by the removal of lust from my being.

All of this is scary but it is making my life deeper and richer. I am understanding more about myself all the time. Eah step seems like it will kill or distort me but it is making me what I truly want. It is making me more and more who I am supposed to be.

I am grateful for my wife. I am grateful for the meeting I attended tonight and eceryone that was in attendance. K used the phrase "sexual emotions" in passing but God spoke it in my heart and it revealed something to me. God bless you. If you are reading this please say a prayer for me and please say one for my wife. Let us both find healing in ourselves and together.

Under the mercy.




sexaholic, sex addiction, abstinance, emotions, desire, lust

Step Two

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Again, I find two things laid at my feet in this second step. The first thing is something that should be obvious from the condition the addict finds themselves.

As an addict I am fully aware that a power greater than myself does have an effect on my life. I believe it was Lewis that said something to the effect that a human being can’t be static. You are either are going to be becoming more saint-like or you will become more hell-like.

A power greater than myself will control my life if I decide to be in charge and have my way. This is the way of an addict. This is me when I act to take what I want. This is what happens when I succumb to lust, that becomes a power greater than me.

When I choose to surrender myself to a higher power, to let go of my hyper-emotional wants, to give of myself in service of others, which is when the other Higher Power takes over. This is the true higher power.

At first for some the higher power is the group, or an accountability partner. Remember, we are love cripples and our intimacy is broken, we don’t know how to truly connect. Eventually, God comes into the picture, it takes time though.

Under the Mercy


12+steps sex+addiction recovery step+two lust

I would call it more a crisis of sin and addiction

Hey all, just wanted to touch base with everyone. Its been kind of a rough 24 hours, I was a little more than irritated at this time yesterday. However, its also really busy and today is budget day so the wife and I have been working on that. I am hoping to have a chance to write a bit more tonight while I am on overtime at work.

Oh, and this is realted and of interetest.

Under the Mercy



lust sex+addiction journal diary frustation

Porn Stars up for execution

CHT to xxx Church's blog. Its a sad commentary but I imagine many people or it would seem due to the media would come foward decrying the death and punishment of a porn star but the ongoing death of Christian's is casually mentioned if at all.

Under the Mercy,

Ge the full story here.




sexaholic, sex addict, porn, addiction recovery, capital punishment