Recovered?

Hopefully not for many years. That isn't to say that I don't want to work the program or just act out and forget it all. I am too blessed in my life to do that. No, I know I won't be recovered until I am, God willing and depending on His mercy, standing in His presence forever in eternity.

No, my addiction is His mercy working in my life. I encounter God in my addiction. It shows me my weakness and God reaches me through it. He shows me how to be a better person. One part of the white book makes a statement to the effect that lust was just a symptom of the problem. Our true problem is our diseased attitudes.

I am learning how to truly be a father, husband, brother, son, lover, so on and so on to include every role in my life because of this addiction. I am still far from perfect and striving to be better. I don't want to be recovered and I don't want to act out ever again. I want to be a gratefully recovering addict. I would rather spend my life gratefully recovering and be a better person than be "recovered" but never better myself as a person.

This will be with me every day and so will working recovery. Sometimes going all the way is just the start.

God, grant me the serenity,

MS